1: The universe and the rabbit hole

“Where should I go?" -Alice.

"That depends on where you want to end up." - The Cheshire Cat.”

I feel like Alice. Like I’m staring down at this rabbit hole and trying to decide if I should jump or not. Actually, scratch that - I’m pretty sure I’m already in the rabbit hole falling or spinning towards something that has yet to become clear. The universe apparently decided it was time and pushed me before I had the chance to make up my mind. Which I suppose is fair - I probably could have spent 100 years standing at the edge trying to decide if I should jump or not.

My life, as I’ve know it, is over. No, I’m not dead and talking to you from some unknown realm. Well, actually I am talking to you from some unknown realm, but I’m not dead. It’s more like the person I was, which is not who I am, and the life she lived, ran out in the middle of the night for milk and cigarettes and simply never came back. And lets be real, the bitch didn’t even leave a note. 

At this point, I’m starting to wonder if any of it ever really existed or if maybe, just maybe, all of it was something I dreamed up one night. But that is neither here nor there. You see, the thing about reality and time is that we can’t be sure if either actually exist. Yesterday, today, tomorrow and even 300 years from now, could all very well be the same thing. And the things that our brains recognize as reality, are likely no more real than the dreams we had yesterday or will have 33 sleeps from now. While everything can seem permanent, the truth of it is, it’s not - it’s all very temporary and more often than not, largely dependent upon things that are out of our control. 

You see, in the way of one thing leads to another, things have this way of happening… first slowly, over time, and then suddenly, all at once. While we are all caught up completing the daily tasks that we’ve deemed important and necessary in creating our existence, the universe is at work in a place that is generally beyond our awareness, quietly piecing together the life we have yet to meet.

The thing that you have to understand about all of this, and well maybe everything, is that the universe has a rhythm that will go on with or without us. It’s a rhythm so strong and unique that it will continue going along its merry little way regardless of how much we protest, kick and scream, or try to hold onto whatever we can in hopes of getting our way. And this my friends, is exactly the reason your entire reality and everything you know can run out on you in the middle of the night without so much as a proper goodbye.

At this point you might be wondering how I ended up in the rabbit hole and furthermore, who I am and why I’m telling you all of this. We’ll get to that… eventually.

Start Here

One more, and then I'll go...

A story about holding on, letting go and finding a way to paint the world the most brilliant shades of weird.

What you’re about to read isn’t about me. Not in any real sense, anyway. What it is about, is all of us - the beautifully messy human creatures that we are. The ones who mostly mean well, but almost always get lost or manage to screw it up while trying to survive.

For any of this to make sense, you first need to realize that everything I’m about to tell you could have, and most likely has, happened in the lives of countless people - maybe even yours. Because of the way I’m going to tell you all of this, it’s important to understand that every part will likely be a finely concocted mixture of actual events, imaginary details, and stories I’ve heard along the way, that will all get blended into an easily digestible piece of "fiction".

While I might be the narrator and the main character (weird, I know) this is not a story of my life. I’m not really that important in the grand scheme of things. Honestly, I’m just here to help you understand a few things. But, because every story needs a main character, someone to relate to, someone to live vicariously through, someone to blame, and then someone to help makes sense of it all, I’m going to tell you all of this as though it happened to me. The other thing that you need to understand is that I’m just like you. And you’re just like everyone else.